The past few months have been a mindset shift and currently with the layoffs continuing to happen, I want to talk about it – or well, write about it – about my own experience.
It was your typically fall morning, I drove to the shuttle stop, walked up the stairs on the bus and badged my ID card, got situated onto my usual seat by the window and tossed my bag onto the seat next to me. 7am, I checked my phone to an email from our VP, “I have hard news to share —“ “Feel free to work from home today—“ “Mandatory meeting at 9am”. Too late, I was already on the bus to work. The whole day was a blur of emotions and when I received the email that informed me that I got laid off, I had so many thoughts running through my mind but my mind was blank at the same time.
I’ve been through layoffs where I was not directly let go, and as a recruiter I’ve worked with many wonderful people who had been on the receiving end of a layoff. I was there to listen as they shared their work experience, to prepare them for interviews, and I was hopefully that person who got to share the news they’ve been waiting to hear, “We’d like to extend you an offer” … However, nothing can explain how it feels unless it happens to you.
During this time – for once in a long time, I did not have a plan. My 5-year timelines that I map out each year had taken a huge redirection – but redirection to where? My mind was constantly in a debate with itself … take time off vs. jump back into interviewing, everything will be okay vs. will it really be okay?, you did everything you can vs. did I do enough, spend more time on your mental health vs. keep moving forward and push through. Negative thoughts crossed my mind: everything I worked hard for to end here, will I no longer be able to financially support my parents/family in the future, is this where my corporate experience ends, what’s my identity now?
Well, I pushed through – I interviewed, I received rejections, I received offers, I interviewed more and more and more. The feeling of interviewing after a layoff sucks – you’re trying to prove to another company/team why you’re worthy of being hired when getting laid off makes you already question your own worthiness.
Some of you might think, it’s just a job. But your job also impacts your wellbeing, sense of financial stability, path to helping your family struggle less and building generational wealth, it’s your self-confidence, your health, your self-worth, impacts how you are able to show up to friends and family, and in my case it was a part of my identity.
When I accepted my new job offer, I thought everything was going to magically be better again, but mentally – things got a little worse before it got better. What I felt, felt like never giving a scar the chance to heal before putting it through more tension/movement/stress. Lost a job, went straight into interviewing, started a new role and in those 3 months, I experienced confusion, shock, anxiety, hope, imposter syndrome, gratitude, happiness, fear, sadness, and guilt —- all compressed within those few months until I couldn’t hold it in.
Was this how anxiety felt like? Yes, only I just never took the time to acknowledge it. Because I was raised to look at the bright side and to be positive, to always be grateful.
I had to take a break during the end of 2023 – to process what I went through, to take the time to learn more in my new roles (both corporate and as a fitness instructor). To reevaluate what I and who I valued. I am happy and finding my groove again. I’d say I’m starting to feel like myself, but truthfully ‘feeling like myself’ is subjective because I feel different. In the best way possible.
If you’re going through a layoff or have gone through a layoff, just know your feelings and thoughts are valid. And I cannot promise that things will get better right away, but you will be okay.
Love, Shayna
Thank you to my husband & family for picking me up physically and emotionally. And to my best of friends who consistently reached out and asked me how I was really doing.
